Feature Article August 1, 2001
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G8 & SurvivalBy Bill RowsomeI was floating on the inner tube, more than half asleep drifting along the shore when a cold, wet, sloppy kiss was placed on my neck."Hi laddie, how are things?" That waterlogged voice whispering in my ear reminded me that I hadn't heard from Maizie since early spring. "Hello Maizie, keeping clear of the boats churning up the Mazinaw?" I replied. "Tourist water cowboys!" replied my favorite monster. Hope they don't behave like this at home, but that's not the reason I'm here. Have I a deal for you!" Now I have had a couple of previous pacts with Maizie; her bargains have to be approached cautiously. For an old gal who spends most of her time under water she gets involved in some hot situations that can leave permanent burns. I let her continue. "Been watching TV lately, laddie?" "A bit, Maizie, but there are much better things to do, particularly in this nice weather. What's the deal?" "I understand that the G8 Summit Meeting is coming to Canada next year and Grampa Jean from Ottawa is hosting but is having trouble getting a place that wants to accommodate it. I suggest you start hustling North Frontenac Township. Your taxes went up a wee bit this year and I can guarantee they will go up next year unless you get more income than these hot rodding water cowboys bring into the area, and think of the publicity."
"Maizie, you're crazier than your loony friends. Protesters wreck every city G8 meets in. The place would be over-run and you would choke for a week on the tear gas. That is the most ridiculous deal yet. Besides, our township fathers and mothers are too busy gravelling roads, playing with dumps and building a fire-women's toilet to get involved with a G8 summit. Local elections are not for 2 years yet; they can lie low for another year before getting publicity, and I am not certain if this is the kind of publicity they want." "Think about it, laddie. North Frontenac outbids Kananaskis, the only contender I have heard mentioned. It would also shame the poor losers in Toronto with their failed Olympic Games bid earlier this summer. Peace in the world because of a G8 meeting in North Frontenac. The Plains of Abraham will pale in comparison." "Peace, Maizie?" I exclaimed. "G8 Summit meetings are not peaceful, nor do they bring peace. All they seem to do is provoke turmoil in the world. You are completely off your rocker or whatever you sit on down on the bottom of the lake as you dream up these schemes." "Laddie, laddie, show some imagination! There is this great tract of wilderness here; most of you watched Survival on TV. You have the pieces of the picture; all you have to do is put the puzzle together." With that she nudged me enough for a dunking and left me sputtering and musing. Could peace and prosperity come to the world because North Frontenac showed some initiative and hosted the G8 Summit? Plenty of food for thought, if only I could be certain Maizie would soon be back with a practical suggestion.Editors note. Bill Rowsome has been characterized as a curmudgeon (i.e. an irritable or miserly person). I dont think he is -- although I did say one time that he is a friendly curmudgeon. What I meant by that is that he appears to be cynical, skeptical, and often grumpy. However, Ive more recently concluded that he is cautiously optimistic and quite good-humored. Having said that, I think he is off his rocker. The evidence is that he could even consider the hare-brained notion that this fictitious creature Maizie could have some practical ideas for hosting the G8 Summit. Im waiting for Maizies plan with baited (pun intended) breath, but both Bill and Maizie should beware of my editorial scissors.
