Southern Frontenac Community Services Candelight Vigil

Jemma Dooreleyers | Dec 06, 2023

Grieving a loved one is never easy and for many, the holiday season, with all of the events and traditions and joy, intensifies the feeling of sadness and loss. That is why Southern Frontenac Community Services hosted their annual Candelight Vigil at the Sydenham Muncipal Office on Monday evening: to allow a safe space for an expression of grief and other emotions that may come up for people who are in mourning and to show these people that they are not alone.

Harold Dalmas brought his three grandchildren with him to the vigil. It was his first time in attendance after his wife’s passing two years ago and his son-in-law’s passing seven years ago and felt it was a “worthwhile way to spend the evening.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to be thinking about things like that around the holidays,” he said as he watched his grandchildren decorate ornaments in honour of their grandmother and their father. “But it’s nice to spend time remembering Maggie and the kids’ father and to chat with others going through the same thing.”

Barb Mundell, the Hospice Community Liason, at SFCS explains how important an event like this is before the holidays.

“Most times it’s difficult to put on a happy face but this gives people permission to grieve as well as simply talk about their person,” she said. “Often people at holiday functions don’t want to bring up the person that has passed on to the person in mourning because they don’t want to make them more sad but sharing stories about their person and simply acknowledging them can be quite healing.”

The event began with a reading of the Dash ( a poem about living life to the fullest) from hospice care volunteer, Jane New and Seamus, her service dog in training. Katie Buckley, the Hospice and Pallative Care Volunteer coordinator at SFCS then went on to explain some coping mechanisms for people in mourning over the holidays and some plans they can put in place for self-care.

Decide which traditions to keep or change, visit a place that reminds them of their person or their gravesite, cook their loved one’s favourite meal or listen to their favourite music, hang their stocking or buy a present that their loved one would like and donate it to a good cause, attend a grief support group, write their loved one a letter, or skip/minimize decorating and traditions are some of the strategies Buckley listed.

The event began with a reading of the Dash ( a poem about living life to the fullest) from hospice care volunteer, Jane New and Seamus, her service dog in training. Then Mundell read another poem that explained the significance of each of the four candles lit at the table at the front of the room. Wintersong by Sarah Maclachlan played on a speaker while participants were invited to bring up their candle to place around the four candles and speak the name of their passed on loved one. Like snowflakes falling, people started by going up slowly, one by one, then all at once.

Refreshments were served and attendees were invited to mingle and decorate Christmas ornaments in honour of their loved one.

“It’s important for Sydenham to have an event like this,” said Mundell. “Kingston has many of these events but to have one in a rural community shows people that they have a community around them and that they are not alone in what feels like a very lonely time.”

Caption: Jane New and her service dog, Seamus, reading "The Dash" and the second one is of the candles people brought up to the front.