The holidays can be an especially difficult time for those experiencing grief due to the loss of a loved one. In a special information session held at the Maples Restaurant in Sharbot Lake on December 2, two grief counselors spoke about their own personal experiences and some helpful strategies for coping with grief.

Hazel Huneault, a trained facilitator with Bereaved Families of Ontario and a victim support worker with MADD Canada, knows all about grief after having lost a niece and a sister. She opened with the statement, “All communities need a soft place to fall over the holidays.” She stressed the fact that grief can be overwhelming and the holidays and the world do not stop for grief. “While others are caught up in the shopping and the baking we want no part of it and this is normal and this is okay. No, you are not going crazy. You are a grieving person trying to adjust to a new kind of normal.”

She spoke of grief arising unexpectedly, anywhere and at any time and how that is also okay. Some of her suggestions for coping are: “Do not push or force yourself to do anything that you do not want to do. It's important to be gentle to yourself. This is your grief journey and you set your own pace. Talk to family and friends and change your plans as you wish.” She said that it is for no one to judge the decisions a bereaved person needs to make to help them get through every day. “Don't worry about hurting others regarding your decisions about how to spend the holidays. You must be true to yourself.” She suggested sitting down with your family to decide what you want to do and to be honest. “There is no right and wrong way to handle the day. You are vulnerable and need to just get through the next day, the next week or season in a healthy way.”

In closing, Hazel stressed that grieving takes time and that one will often experience difficult ups and downs. She said that sometimes focusing on children can help, and trying to make the days as enjoyable for them, though it can be difficult, is one goal to strive for. She added that because everyone's grief is unique there are no steadfast rules. She said that experiencing grief saps your energy. “Rest when you need to and if you need help with everyday tasks ask someone to help you.”

Caroline Yates, who worked as a former executive director at Bereaved Families of Ontario, also shared her ideas about coping with grief. She lost her son when he was just 19 years old in a car accident and shared her personal grief experience and strategies for coping. She said there is wealth of information online and that talking to strangers can sometimes be easier than talking to those you know well. “People we know often don't want to see us sad, which makes it hard to talk to them.”

Yates said that being inundated with happy holiday messages through the media can be a difficult thing to cope with. “Be true to yourself. It's hard because people don't want you to grieve. It's important to not feel guilty about the feelings you are going through.” She spoke of the fact that often, unless others have experienced grief, they may not understand what a bereaved person is going through and may not be able to offer the kind of support they need. Some of her practical suggestions for coping are: “Let the tears come. Don't answer the phone if you don't want to. But do answer it if it is someone you know who will understand you.” She suggested acknowledging and embracing your limitations. “Don't agree to commitments until the day of. If you commit and then renege you will feel guilty and that is something extra that you do not need to feel bad about.”

Yates said that asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do when one is experiencing grief. “Try to reach out to those who might understand your feelings best. You need to know you are not crazy and are not alone.”

She stressed the importance for a bereaved person of needing to tell their story and that a listening ear can often be what they need most. She touched on dealing with inappropriate remarks such as, “At least you had a chance to say goodbye." Of her own experience she said, “I did not have a chance to say goodbye and did not want to say goodbye.”

Yates stressed that grief should not be compared. “People want to try to connect and try to understand that they love you and want to help but sometimes say stupid things.”

She suggested planning ahead and getting a lot of rest. “Sleep whenever you need to and if you want to, find new ways to celebrate when you are ready.” Those who attended the information session had a chance to share their own personal stories and it was easy to see that talking and sharing with others who have experienced similar losses does help assuage grief.

For those who would like to help a grieving person, Hazel had a simple suggestion about what they could say - words that she herself has used to express understanding to those suffering a loss: “I've been thinking about you.”

A Community Christmas Tree of Remembrance has been set up at the Maples Restaurant. People are welcome to help decorate the tree by placing a card on it in memory of a loved one (cards provided). 

Back to HomeFeature Article - May 21, 2009 A Plevna power houseby Julie Druker

Bernice Gunsinger at her home in Plevna

Bernice Gunsinger is many things, but idle is not one of them. At 89 years old, soon to be 90 on November 1, Bernice continues to be an active member of her community and still likes to keep a lot on her plate.

When I visited her at her home in Plevna, the home where she was born and continues to live, she had just hung out a long row of dish towels belonging to the Clar-Mill Community Centre, just one of the many jobs that she performs as a community volunteer there.

On her kitchen table lies a phone list of 30 people, who are, along with her, members of the Clar-Mill Community Volunteers and are involved with LINUS, a group of quilters and knitters that makes blankets for cancer patients at CHEO in Ottawa. Before the day is done, Bernice needs to get an important message to all of them regarding an upcoming potluck and blanket pick up.

Born in 1919 and married in 1941 to Andrew Gunsinger, Bernice, now a widow, has three children, seven grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren.

She has worked all of her life both inside and outside her home. She was the caretaker at Clarendon Central School for 25 years and has also worked at a number of lodges in and around Plevna.

The on-going volunteer work she has done for the fire hall in Plevna is well known and came about after a fire in the early 1950s destroyed the parsonage, a number of homes, and the sawmill - long before there was ever a fire hall in town.

Bernice recalls, “There were no fire fighters or a fire hall at that time and it was the bucket brigade and volunteers that finally got the fire stopped.”

After that fire she and a group of volunteers got together and performed a popular minstrel show that toured various towns in North Frontenac, raising money for the affected families as well as a desperately needed water pumper and thousands of feet of hose.

She remembers those shows with fondness, “I played the banjo and I did a waltz on the stage and darn near fell off. Mrs. Sallans played music using bottles of water and we also had the bull and matador skit. I was in the bull costume with Florence Kellar. There were 15-20 people in the show and we had a good time putting it on.”

Later as president of the Young Circle Club, Bernice helped to organize the annual Santa Claus parade and celebrations that entertained families in the community at Christmas time.

For 15 years Bernice was president of the Volunteer Ladies Fire Auxiliary, a group that held dances and various seasonal festivals to raise money for the new fire hall.

Bernice is also a member of the Plevna Crafts Group, which is instrumental in the annual Christmas tree lighting festival there.

She has been a long-time member of the seniors group in Plevna and it is no wonder that she won the Senior of the Year award in 2006.

Bernice has no intention of slowing down any time soon. She showed me various quilts that she has on the go and admits, “I can never really ever sit still. Even when I am watching TV I have to keep my hands busy.”

The awards that have recognized her community work hang on her living room wall but one comes to realize after getting to know Bernice that it is not recognition that she seeks. Instead she remains humble and is grateful for her continued health and her ability to keep living independently at her home and to keep on doing what she loves to do.

Her community is lucky to have her; clearly all the work and energy she has put into her community comes directly from her hands and her heart. Most would agree that Bernice Gunsinger is definitely a giver.

Back to HomeFeature Article - February 12, 2009 Preparing the sounds of EasterBy Julie Druker

Music director Annabelle Twiddy

Every year the CBC airs a special Easter morning concert that is enjoyed by many listeners around the country. Annabelle Twiddy has always enjoyed them and has always wanted to see one. That being impossible, she’s decided this year to organize one right here in Verona and is enlisting the help of local singers from the Verona and Harrowsmith community to assist her. The call has recently gone out. “We‘re hoping to have a community choir and we‘re in the process of recruiting singers right now.”

Along with the choir of Harrowsmith and Verona, which has 25 members, Annabelle is hoping to get another 15 or so singers from the community to join them.

As music director for the Harrowsmith and Verona United Churches pastoral charge she is very excited about the opportunity for local singers to join in song with a very well-established choir. “It’s going to be a fabulous way to start Easter Sunday; it’s going to be really good music and if we can get some people from this community to sing with the choir it’s going to be really great.”

The concert will take place at 7:00 am on Easter morning, Sunday April 12 at Trinity United Church in Verona.

In past years there has been a regular, outdoor, early morning sunrise Easter concert held at the lake in Verona but the numbers have dwindled steadily over the years. The idea for the new concert was suggested as an alternative and the congregations and choirs from Verona and Harrowsmith have enthusiastically jumped on board.

There will be a total of six practices over six weeks, which will be held at Trinity United church in Verona on Thursday evenings from 8:00-9:30 pm, beginning on March 5.

Annabelle explained her motivation. “Easter is the most important celebration of the Christian faith. We make a huge fuss about Christmas and we do Christmas for five or six weeks and we sing Christmas carols and hear them played everywhere. We do Easter for one day and it seems to me that if we do it for one day, it needs to be a very extraordinary day.”

Annabelle already has the music planned and the eight or nine new works will include modern arrangements of “From the Rising to the Setting of the Sun“, Gaither’s “Because He Lives“, “Ye Choirs of New Jerusalem“ and “Morning has Broken“ to name a few. She hopes to finish off the concert with the Hallelujah chorus from Handel’s Messiah. Guest conductors John McDougall and Jennifer Bennett will lead the choir for a few of the numbers.

Donations will be accepted at the concert for the Canadian Food Grains Bank (CFGB), an interdenominational agency based in Winnipeg and supported by many of the local churches in the area. Headed by the central Mennonite Committee, the CFGB distributes food aid and related products world wide to people in distress. Their aim is to encourage food self-sufficiency and sustainability.

Being a farmer herself, the CFGB is an agency that Annabelle is well aware of and interested is supporting. She explained, “This agency represents us all and it is funded by the Canadian International Development Agency which matches our donations to the tune of 4 to 1, so our $1 donation becomes a $5 donation”.

Interested singers can call Annabelle Twiddy at 613-372-0603 or call the pastoral charge office at 613-372-2525 and leave a message. Singing experience is helpful.

Lynn Taylor, Janet Barr and Shirley Dewey.

The Children’s Christmas Spree was a great success. The events took place in Sharbot Lake at the Child Centre, in Parham at the Oddfellows’ Hall, in Arden with the Red Hat Ladies, and in Plevna at the public school.

Donations of money and new items were collected all year at the Treasure Trunk in Sharbot Lake. Volunteers at the Treasure Trunk took the project from collecting to buying gifts, and wrapping the presents. Children under 12 came to shop for their parents for under a dollar per item. While the children shopped, parents had tea coffee & cookies.

Thank you to all the volunteers for coming out and helping the children to shop.

Donations have already started coming in to the Treasure Trunk for this year’s Christmas Spree. All donations of money and new items can be dropped off at the Treasure Trunk between Monday and Friday, 9-3.

Colleen Cosens and Japhy Sullivan perform "All Throught the Night" during the penny whistle portion of the show.

Three years ago, the Blue Skies Community Fiddle Orchestra was forced to re-schedule their Christmas Concert to January because of an ice storm on the evening when the concert had been scheduled.

To the surprise and delight of Orchestra Director Carolyn Stewart, the afternoon concert on the first weekend of January in 2007 was a resounding success, and ever since then, the Fiddle Orchestra has been holding Christmas in January.

This year, they were joined by their old friends, the Ompah Choir, on Sunday afternoon (January 4) at a packed Maberly Hall.

The concert featured a selection of seasonal fiddle songs, in addition to tunes written by orchestra members Judy Diamond (After Alton) and Martina Field (Armstrong Line). For the second time, the orchestra also performed “The Marvelous Christmas Machine”, a play written by Inie Platenius, with music by Jennifer Bennet.

“The Marvelous Christmas Machine” is a light-hearted cautionary tale about Christmas and community that portrays the author's bias against the much maligned Brussel Sprout. It requires members of the orchestra to stretch their musical repertoire, and to act out their roles using only their voices. They pulled it all off with confidence this time, to the delight of the audience and the play’s authors, who were in attendance.

The Fiddle Orchestra has also been developing their skills at Penny Whistle this year, aided by flutist Anne Archer, who conducted the orchestra for several penny whistle tunes, including a dizzying version of “God Rest You Merry Gentlemen”.

It’s hard to believe it’s been ten years since Carolyn Stewart received funding from the Blue Skies Music Festival to establish a fiddle orchestra. At the time, Stewart was teaching fiddle in local schools, and between the school newsletters and notices in the Frontenac News, she managed to pull together a group of novice, intermediate and more advanced fiddlers from local communities, and the orchestra was born. It has seen many changes in personnel, particularly as younger players have grown up and left for schooling, but the membership has remained steady at around 20 players, enough to produce a fully rounded sound, and to improve continually and grow musically, which was again in evidence at this January concert.

After the intermission, the Ompah choir took the stage. The choir is not exclusively an Ompah institution; it has members from nearby Plevna. The choir director is John Inglis, who also provides keyboard accompaniment. The essential feature of the Ompah choir is a love of singing and a love of music. They performed some of their favourite Christmas music, but also a varied selection from the past and present. Marily Seitz, who is a charter member of both the Ompah Choir and the Fiddle Orchestra, performed a memorable song with her husband Stan, before Stan took a turn on an old coal mining song. The choir then returned the stage to finish off the afternoon with their final numbers.

The audience thoroughly enjoyed the varied program.

Dave Stacey, Manager, Trousdale's Foodland; Brenda Hollinsworth, cashier; John Trousdale, co-owner, Trousdale's Foodland; Sue Clinton, Chair, LC&ERC;  and Trudy Greenside, Cashier. 

On December 16, Sue Clinton, Chair of the Loughborough Christmas & Emergency Relief Committee (LC&ERC) was presented a cheque by Dave Stacey and John Trousdale in the amount of $621. The presentation took place at Trousdale's Foodland Store in Sydenham. The funds were generated by a recent program offered by Sobey's Canada that gave all Sobey stores and Sobey affiliate stores (Foodland, IGA, etc) the opportunity to sell 'snowflakes' to their customers for $2, $5 or $10 with all proceeds going to a local food bank. In Sydenham the LC&ERC operates the food bank that serves all Loughborough District residents.

Lions Club President Rob Kendrick hands a cheque for $1,000 to Sue Clinton, Chair of the Loughborough Christmas & Emergency Relief Committee..

Lions Club President Rob Kendrick hands a cheque for $1,000 to Sue Clinton, Chair of the Loughborough Christmas & Emergency Relief Committee. The LC&ERC, a small all-volunteer group, is funded solely by donations from its supporters in Loughborough District and nearby areas.  The Committee operates a Christmas Basket program as well as a year-round food bank and emergency relief service for residents of Loughborough District. The Committee can be reached through its voicemail at 613-572-6004. This cheque was a very timely one coming as it did just before the implementation of this year's Christmas Baskets.

 

Jim Stinson, Wray Gillespie andllan McPhail.

Jim Stinson, General Manager of the North Frontenac Arena at Piccadilly receiving a cheque for $1,000 from Lions Club Treasurer Wray Gillespie and Lions Club Secretary llan McPhail. This cheque is the final instalment on a 3-year, $3,000 pledge by the Sydenham Lions in support of Project End Zone.

 

 

Photo: The Plevna Pioneers Club float into Ompah

Two local Santa Claus parades on Nov. 27, one in Sydenham and one in North Frontenac sparked off the holiday season and both received a pleasant sprinkling of the white stuff thrilling watchers with the first sightings of what hopefully is in store for these holidays.

In Ompah parade-goers sat down to a lunch and treats courtesy of the Ompah community hall ladies, and elfin helpers assisted children with Christmas crafts while a chilly Santa, who lost his hat en route to the hall, handed out gifts to all the girls and boys.

The North Frontenac parade, once known as “the biggest little parade”, was started by Alice Davies. Though the route has since been shortened participants here are some of the toughest float goers you will meet and a brave crew sat and waved for close to an hour and a half as the parade wound its way along the wind-swept roads from the fire hall in Plevna to the Ompah Community Hall.

Sharbot LakeMaggie Sutcliffe of Tichborne led Rudolf the calf in the Sharbot Lake parade.

 

Photo: Jeanne Jenner, Sue Clinton and Sandy Singers in Sharbot Lake.

The Lanark Frontenac Lennox and Addington NDP Riding Association held a timely forum on food banks in Sharbot Lake on December 5. Participants from Perth and Kingston were in attendance, as were Sue Clinton from the Loughborough Christmas and Emergency Relief Committee and Brenda Piat from the North Frontenac Food Bank.

The divergent experiences of the operators brought a lot of different issues into play

Sandy Singers from the Partners in Mission food Bank in Kingston brought a more urban perspective since his agency is a full-time operation that distributes almost $1 million each year in food donations. The Partners in Mission also deal with unique issues, such as the impact on the food bank of family members of people incarcerated in Kingston's numerous prisons.

Jeanne Jenner is currently affiliated with the Salvation Army in Perth, which provides hot meal and Chrismas hamper programs, and was formerly with the Perth and District Food Bank. “We often face the opinion, when it comes to poverty and homelessness issues in Perth, that the solution is to ‘buy them a bus ticket’ to Ottawa. This kind of denial of the problems that the working poor face in our own community extends to Perth City Council, I’m afraid,” she said.

Sydenham-based Sue Clinton from the Loughborough Christmas and Emergency Relief Committee, which prepares Christmas hampers for about 60 families and provides emergency food to 37 families throughout the year, talked about some of the issues that plague impoverished people in rural areas. A nutritionist herself, Clinton also talked about the need to teach people how to prepare and eat healthy meals. “Food has everything to do with health. If you teach people how to eat healthier you empower them. We see children of food bank recipients becoming recipients themselves, and we need to work to end this cycle. One thing we are doing is putting recipes in the food box, and encouraging people to use the Good Food Box as well as our services. Jamie Oliver, the famous chef, won an award for trying to help the Americans improve their health. Every child before they leave school should be able prepare 10 meals to save their life. Those are the kinds of solutions we need to foster,” Clinton said.

Brenda Piat, who introduced the panel on behalf of the North Frontenac Food Bank, which handles about 275 food requests annually, said that a major portion of the clientele who are served by the food bank are recipients of disability pensions, but she has been unable to convince the workers who administer the disability payments to refer their clients to the food bank. “To me those workers are in the social services and they should concern themselves with the food and other needs of their clients,” she said.

“In Kingston the Ontario Works and Disability supports program workers just send their clients over to us, which is another kind of problem. We are a charitable organisation, and receive no government funding, but the government is effectively asking us to subsidise their support programs,” said Sandy Singers of Partners in Mission.

All of the panellists confirmed that the Christmas season is their best time of year for fundraising. In some ways the smaller rural services expressed the most optimism about their ability to raise funds. “Over the years people have become more and more aware of our need,” said Brenda Piat. “Most community events accept food donations for admission; people ask for donations to the food bank when their loved ones pass away, and we have even received bequests.”

“We send a letter to our donors in the fall, and that is one of our best ways to raise cash, along with the food boxes in the local food stores, and fundraising events like Vision Soup and others” said Sue Clinton.

“We are dependent on the kindness of strangers” said Sandy Singers “and our budget is definitely made in November and December. But our donors don’t want to be overburdened by us. What I find is that people don’t want us to badger them.”

All of the participants realise that what they offer is a limited solution, at best. “All of the good work done by hot meal programs, soup kitchen and food banks is just a band aid, not the answer and certainly not even a solution at all,” said Sandy Singers. He also said that food banks and food programs are not really in a position to get overly political because of the rules for charitable organizations and the fact that they receive donations from people of all political stripes, but collecting information and providing statistics is something they can do.

“The Ontario Association of Food Banks calculated the cost of poverty in Ontario at billions of dollars a year,” Singers said.

From inter-generational poverty, lack of budgeting skills, social and employment problems, mental health issues and drug problems, the reasons that food banks remain busy are diverse and complicated. The panel members agreed that it would take political action to transform community concerns about food and poverty into a policy priority. Until then they all said they will muddle through as best they can.

The North Frontenac Food Bank can be reached through Northern Frontenac Community Services at 613-279-3151 and the Loughborough Christmas and Emergency Relief Committee can be reached through voicemail at 613-572-6004.

 

We had a record number of entries this year, and we thank all the children, who worked hard on their drawings, and all the teachers and parents who encouraged them to enter our contest. We hope you enjoy this year’s drawings as much as we did.

Again we thank you, our readers and advertisers, for your support this past year. The next edition of the Frontenac News will appear on January 6, 2011.

Overall

Overall Winner, Brianna Drew, 11

Ages 4-5

1st place, Kayden Dupuis, 5

2nd place, Franklin Goodfellow, 5

3rd place, Camden Robinson, 5

Ages 6-7

1st place, Kylie Sauve, 6

2nd place, Emily Conner, 7

3rd place, Kyla Marquette, 7

Ages 8-10

1st place, Molly, 10

2nd place, Taylor, 9

3rd place, Katie Luffman, 10

Ages 11 & Over

1st place,Haily, 12

2nd place,Paige Smalbill, 10

3rd place,Nick Vanderschoor, 11