Property Standards: How to stop worrying and love the drones

Jeff Green | Feb 02, 2012

Editorial by Jeff Green

Ok, I’ve decided to take my local township at its word and agree that by ensuring that all of our properties are neat and tidy we will all be richer and happier.

I still don’t like the idea of one of those complaints-driven regulations and I also don’t want to have to clean up my own property or force someone else to do the same.

The solution is GPS driven drones.

There is very good digital mapping available through Frontenac County now, thanks to our tax dollars, and it is possible to go on line and see objects such as parked vehicles on people’s lawns.

Although there is a time lag (the current mapping is from 2008 I believe) but when the mapping is updated and a little more detail is added, it might be able to identify smaller objects, even patches of weeds such as poison ivy, burdock, and dandelions could be visible.

All that will be needed then is to tie in some drone aircraft to that mapping, and with the use of modern laser technology, large items like vehicles and rusted out heaps of junk can be literally vaporised out of existence. Pinpoint applications of pesticides, delivered at the same time, will be able to deal with any undesirable plant matter, and a huge vacuum tube affixed to the bottom of the drone will be able suck up small mess items in a jiffy.

Each ratepayer will receive a notification of what junk has been found on their property by the GPS system, and a schedule for when it will be obliterated so they know when to make themselves scarce if they are worried about becoming collateral damage. And with a quick boom, all our problems will be solved.

Of course there is a chance of error, a prized rose or a brand new vehicle or ATV could easily be done in by a simple miscalculation, but that’s the beauty of the notification system. All of the planned obliterations will be outlined in the notification, and ratepayers can contact the township using a handy online form to point out where the real garbage is and where their prized possessions are.

There can even be an appeals process for those of us whose prized possessions are what the township would call real garbage, but in the end the bylaw will have to rule.

Within a couple of months the drones will have this place looking spic and span, and our property values will all rise and rise, so much so that our property assessments will go up as well, and then we will be able to pay higher property taxes.

Wouldn’t that be great?