Feature Article October 9, 2002
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Care for the caregiver - Community championsby Bob Sherman - Part 3 Caregivers give their time, energy, and heart to supporting a spouse, friend or neighbour. This gift of caregiving is given with compassion in the privacy of the home, and as a result it is often invisible to the community. So are things unseen to be forgotten? Only a strong community will have the wisdom to see beyond the surface, and stretch a hand of support to the caregiver. It is better to give than receive. So what better choice than for all of us to become community champions and give support to caregivers. Of course, sometimes we are not really quite sure exactly how to go about offering help. We want to respect the caregivers' dignity and privacy. We hesitate when the path is not clear. How do we offer help? What kind of support would be appreciated by the caregiver? In offering help, consider the following points: Be specific: Try to avoid general offers of help like, "If you ever need help, just call me!" General offers make the caregiver have to call you and ask for help. Remember, it is your turn to offer a gift. Be direct: Learn from friends or family members about the special needs of the caregiver. Listen to clues from the caregiver. A caregiver may say, "Every Thursday is so difficult because I have to drive Harold to the therapist in Kingston." Caregivers give clues as to how they are overwhelmed. Respond to these clues, and you could say, "I can drive Harold to the therapist every other Thursday...Would that help?" Of course, this offer of assistance will help the caregiver! The offer is specific, direct, and helps the caregiver with a stressful problem - it is a perfect gift. Be a friendly ear: Listen to the caregiver. To some degree, the caregiver will need to vent their frustration and anger - anger caused by lost dreams, and frustration caused by the strenuous task of caregiving. Listen without judging the person. Be trustful and never share the caregiver's fears or feelings with any other person. Let the caregiver learn to trust you as a true friend. Small is better: Offer to do small chores for the caregiver that fit into your regular routine. You can pick up items for the caregiver at the store while you do your own shopping. By building help for the caregiver into your day, it is possible to help the caregiver without adding extra stress to your own life. Remember the care-receiver: Visit the care-receiver for a few hours each week on a regular basis. A regular visit will allow the care-receiver to have companionship and a sense of belonging to the community. While you visit the care-receiver, make it clear that the caregiver is free to leave to do chores, or to go out for their own enjoyment. By visiting the care-receiver, you can do two good deeds at once - one for the care-receiver, and one for the caregiver. Keep in touch: A friendly visit, or a pleasant phone call will help the caregiver feel a sense of being an individual, and decrease the sense of isolation. These are just a few tips on ways to offer help and support to caregivers in our community. So now, just stop for a few minutes, and ask yourself, "Is there a caregiver that I can help in some small way?" The answer is probably yes, and now you know how you can help and be a community champion. For more caregiving information, call Bob Sherman at Central Frontenac Community Services, 376-6477.
