Feature Article April Fool's Issue April 3, 2002
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Bird watching on Bobs Lakeby William S. BrisonBird watchers at Bobs Lake have been thrilled at the sight of a great tit. This is the first ever such sighting reported to this newspaper. The great tit is quite a small bird, one of the tit bird family, which also includes the long-tailed tit, the marsh tit and the blue tit (more often seen in cooler weather). It is a mystery as to how the great tit got to Bobs Lake. One theory is that it attached itself to the landing gear of a jet. Aeronautical engineers believe this to be theoretically possible. Ornithologists point out that if the bird started off pointed in the wrong direction, it would get its feathers ruffled backwards and would not be able to fly when it reached Ontario. Current thinking is that the great tit must have gotten into economy class and snuggled down into the upholstered seat. Security experts deny emphatically that it would be possible for even such a small bird to evade security barriers and sneak into a modem jet. So the mystery remains as to how a great tit could have come to Ontario. Concerns about importing claw and mouth disease from England are thought to be groundless. Global warming may have affected bird migration patterns, and bird watchers on Bobs Lake are eagerly hoping for a sight of the great booby from Australia. In an entirely unrelated development, it has also been reported that a small nudist colony has been spotted on Bobs Lake. We cannot divulge the location for fear of prurient interest, and for fear that fishermen might be distracted and run aground, although the Fisherman's Association responds that fisher persons are not like that. Once again, there are those who scoff, saying that these are not really nudists at all, but practitioners of the old Ontario custom of skinny-dipping. Ornithologists have been asked if there is such an English songbird as a night tit. They refused to reply, showing only a stiff upper lip. Everything considered, Bobs Lake is an interesting place these days!
