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Feature_article__Pippi_and_Me

Feature Article July 10

Feature Article July 10, 2003

LAND O' LAKES NewsWeb Home

Pippi and MEWhen you were first married did you read a book called Pippi Longstocking to your little ones? Well, Im thoroughly convinced that Pippi has some connection with me. Trouble comes to visit me at least on a biweekly basis.

Last Wednesday I had an appointment at Hotel Dieu Hospital. Very early, I left the village and arrived at the Chown Parking lot. The only space was on the top floor and I had about 15 minutes to get into the H.D.H. After the shaky ride down the elevator, I started to venture across the street. About halfway across, the cars heading west were surely headed to Mosport. Suddenly a severe paralyzing wind blew up my back and back down to my knees. The middle of the street was hardly a place for a body examination. I slid down my jogging pants and behold, my boxer shorts had disappeared. But where? Now I was attached at my knees and I had to cross from centre line. Like a duck, I made my way in short steps to the H.D.H. Three youths came whizzing by on bicycles, and my prayer was for them to get by quickly. I could only see me lying down on the sidewalk like a turtle on its back. If I turned around quickly maybe the drawers would come flying out.

I took the wheelchair ramp up to the main door like a Mexican jumping bean. At the rotating doors, which were rotating like fans in a wind tunnel, a young teenager held the door and I jumped in like a kangaroo. The only thing I could do was bow to him as if he were royalty.

As quickly as possible, I headed to the mens washroom. The folks standing around started to stand in two rows like the parting of the Red Sea for Moses. Finally I did get in and got out my red Swiss Army Knife, with which I methodically began hacking up my drawers. At last I was free from the leg hold it had on me. It felt like being set free from an Anaconda. Now outside the washroom: (knock, knock)

Is there anyone in there? (knock, knock)

I really have to go.

By this time, I had myself pulled together, walked out the door and headed for the elevator. In no time, I was in the doctors office on the seventh floor. The intern came in and started his preliminary examination.

Mr. St. Pierre, have you no underwear on?

Quickly I answered back I had shorts on when I left Mississippi and still had them on when I reached Hotel Dieu Hospital.

What in the world happened?

I was mugged by two student nurses in the elevator and was left for dead.

No more questions!

With the participation of the Government of Canada