Feature Article January 22, 2004
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What's happened to 'No'?
There was a bit on the news the other day about some gal in Ontario suing the Ontario Gaming Commission (basically the government) for letting her become a gambling addict. She had signed an agreement with them that she was not to be admitted to the Niagara Casino but she sneaked in, lost more money and is suing!
People have lined up to sue tobacco companies because they smoked and developed lung cancer, are suing fast food purveyors because they ate too much and are obese. One Yankee even attempted to sue a restaurant because he tipped a cup of hot coffee on his lap and became embarrassingly scalded - notice how some paper cups have 'Contains Hot Beverage' printed on their sides to warn the scatterbrained that they have ordered a hot coffee?
For the life of me I cannot understand why these people can't say the simple word 'No' to these temptations. How much warning do we need to become alert to a danger? How much protection do we need by a society rather than looking out for ourselves?
Remember raising small children and gently holding their hands near a warm stove to teach them it was hot. Generally after a few trials a quiet 'No' was all that was necessary to remind them of a danger. Children do not know and do need the guidance of parents; that is what parenting is all about. What parent hasn't warned a child to say 'No' if a stranger approaches him or her with an offer of candy? Remember cautioning teen-age daughters leaving for the first date, "If you dont 'KNOW' (what is happening) say, 'NO!'
We have to learn from experience: we are born only with the instincts to breathe, drink and excrete; from that point on learning, experience and common sense has to be developed. Children are not born with knowledge any more than they are born with good manners. Experiences and their consequences are lifetime acquisitions that are never ending and from them we learn what is right, wrong, good and bad.
If we are losing money through gambling or excessive spending say 'No' to the expenditures. Only a few minutes are necessary to mentally calculate the odds of losing or the real cost of unnecessary credit buying.
If we are overweight say 'No' to the extra serving and the hollow calories of junk food and 'Yes' to some extra exercise.
If smoking or boozing is causing a problem a simple 'No' will solve it.
We are taught to be agreeable and nice, to agree rather than disagree but there are times that a 'No' is better. 'No' to unhelpful peer pressure. 'No' to societal whims. 'No' to harmful or stupid acts.
Perhaps rather than criticize our little lads in the 'Terrible Twos' stage of life we should encourage them to prolong their constant 'No' for just a few more years; until it becomes a discrete life time habit.
I muse how better we would be if we said 'No' more often and meant it. We must also remember that we have to 'Know' what we are saying 'No' to and that takes thought and self-examination rather than blindly bowing to the many pressures attempting to influence us.
